Disagreeing Respectfully When Political Tensions are High
It is no secret that American politics are controversial and lead to many heated debates between family, friends, and strangers alike. Although these debates can be informational and educational, they can also be quite triggering and difficult conversations to have. This is especially true when your debate partners are family or loved ones. About 1 in 10 adults say they have ended relationships with family and loved ones because of their political issues. Our hope is that it doesn’t have to come to that. So how can we disagree respectfully when political tensions are high?
Before you dive in, remember that our professionals are always here to help
A House, Divided
When you have strongly held beliefs at odds with someone you deeply care about, it is easy to get caught up, feel overwhelmed and triggered by the conversation, and even choose to sever ties.
Women especially take on a lot of the pressure of difficult conversations and responsibility for conflict resolution with family and loved ones. Since women historically and in modern times take on many roles and responsibilities within the household, it's natural many women take on a peacekeeper or mediator role as well. While women may be uniquely suited for walking the fine lines between front lines, that doesn’t mean it affects our mental health any less. In fact, mental health already affects women disproportionately. Combined with empathetic instincts and heavy involvement in family life, women are often at the forefront of difficult conversations that can be overwhelming, triggering, and difficult to cope with.
Should we talk about our differences?
In many instances, instead of engaging in conversations that get us heated, many of us have chosen the path of avoidance. Whether we’re avoiding persons who disagree with us entirely or just dancing around those hot ticket topics, our primary mode has become “protect ourselves (and our viewpoint) at all costs.” Isn’t this the healthy thing to do? we wonder. Can we really find ways to disagree respectfully when political tensions are high? When they’re this high?
Let’s get back to the point of political discourse. These conversations are meant to share ideas, opinions, and feelings. They’re meant to help us understand the viewpoint of one another, what they care about, and where their fears lie. Ultimately, this helps us to humanize one another rather than giving in to preconceived ideas of one another fed to us through the nightly news.
Luckily research has helped us identify key skills to help navigate tough conversations.
How to have respectful conversations when political tensions are high
Effective communication and listening skills can help dissolve some of the tension of politically-charged moments and respectfully discuss opposing viewpoints. Below is a list of useful tips adapted from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and specifically interpersonal effectiveness skills that can help make talking politics with loved ones less overwhelming:
Be gentle
Politics are a sensitive and controversial topic. Therefore, maintaining a respectful tone, avoiding attacking and directing anger at individuals can successfully prevent a major blowup in the family room. Remember: everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you may not agree with but ultimately, the conversation/perspective/opinion is angering you, not necessarily the person.
Act interested
Active listening is a crucial part of a successful conversation. By listening, appearing interested, and not interrupting, you are showing respect to the other person and their perspective. When respectfully disagreeing, maintaining that respect can make the conversation more effective and less overwhelming and upsetting.
Validate
Showing you understand someone’s perspective, where they are coming from, or understanding differences in opinions exist helps to validate their thoughts and feelings and create a neutral space for a discussion that acknowledges differences and allows for both parties to be heard.
Utilize radical acceptance
Ultimately, you can’t change someone’s mind and you shouldn’t try to. Everyone is entitled to hold their opinions. By accepting you disagree with a loved one or family member regarding a sensitive topic, you acknowledge you can’t change it, and rejecting this reality does not change it. By accepting the reality of the situation, you can separate the individual from this conversation and accept the situation for what it is and stop holding on to that anger and frustration and move on from things you do not have control over.
Internal Checks & Balances
It is just as important to be respectful of one’s own feelings and emotions during a conversation. Often these topics can trigger negative feelings and feelings of being overwhelmed. By incorporating effective communication techniques with distress tolerance skills, it is possible to have a conversation while disagreeing respectfully. When displaying empathy and respect in a triggering conversation with someone you care about starts to take an emotional toll, it is important to regulate your emotions and reactions.
Focus on your breathing
Stress triggers a plethora of physical reactions, and focusing on controlled, deep breathing can help regulate some of those uncomfortable sensations that accompany feeling overwhelmed or triggered.
Use “I” statements
This is an effective way to communicate how you are feeling without blaming or attacking others. By saying “I feel _____ when_____” you are advocating for your needs and verbalizing your feelings. This can help simmer a conversation when it is getting too heated.
Set boundaries
If these familial political talks are happening too often and creating too much conflict, it is okay to advocate for yourself and set boundaries. Telling a loved one you feel these conversations are not productive and harmful to a relationship you care about and you think it’s best to refrain is OK. Though disagreeing respectfully may be the goal, sometimes, this is not realistic in which case respectfully removing yourself may be what is best for you and others.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is important to focus on the task at hand and on the outcome you desire. If your desired outcome is to share information about your political viewpoint on a certain topic, then focus on getting that information out, reciprocating the respect to the other party, and then removing yourself from the situation. Practicing mindfulness in difficult conversations can help steer the conversation in the right direction, not become distracted, and engage in the current moment without judgment and making it personal.
Family dynamics play a large role in how a tough conversation can pan out. Though these tips can be beneficial to some people, a mental health professional can help you address your specific concerns regarding tough conversations with loved ones and how it affects you and your relationships. Reach out to us today if you are interested in seeking a holistic, woman-centered approach to therapy to address topics like this and more!
