Recognizing Anxiety In A Loved One
If you are looking for more ways to support someone with anxiety, you’ve come to the right place. It can be confusing to know where to get information and support. When you’re concerned for your friend or loved one, this only adds to the strain of not knowing if what they’re going through is safe or normal.
We’ve curated a starting point for anyone wondering about the next step when someone you love has asked you for help.
Study up before you make assumptions
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
You don’t know what you don’t know, so in this case it’s important to get as much information as you can without getting too attached to any of it.
Spend some time learning about the variety of things that might cause anxiety, how they feel, and how it may look to someone else. Look into as many different experiences as you can find. Then, take it all with a mega-grain of salt because listening to the way anxiety looks for your loved one is one of the most powerful ways to make a meaningful impact.
In order to do that effectively, it’s absolutely critical that you prepare yourself to let that knowledge be a foundation to build on. You’ll do that best by setting down assumptions, ideas, and personal feelings about the experience of anxiety. Instead of using those things to inform the way you support someone, assign yourself the homework of listening to lived experiences.
Study up on the variety of ways anxiety may look, feel and occur in different people. The myriad of ways that anxiety shows up can be surprising even if you have it yourself. Having the education to recognize those subtle signs can make a huge difference for someone who just feels overwhelmed.
Studying without attachment can also ensure that you feel less confused or overwhelmed as you engage with your loved one about their experiences.
With that in mind, let’s start your anxiety information database now!
Common symptoms of anxiety
Though you’ve likely seen them around, we’ve put together a list of the most easily recognized signs of anxiety. Looking at things in groups can help you to check them off, or share them with someone in an easy-to-understand way. You can use these to help a loved one validate the way they’ve been feeling (especially if they’re not sure they see themselves in other symptom lists).
Body Stuff
Feeling hot or sweating more
Shortness of breath
Chest pain or racing heart
Dizziness
Insomnia
Fatigue
Shaking hands
Brain stuff
Restlessness
Agitation
Feelings of overwhelm
Inability to concentrate
Fearful
Sense of dread
Intrusive thoughts
Use this checklist in combination with the one in the section below any time you want to evaluate your own anxiety symptoms. You can also share it with a friend, loved one or trusted therapist to track your progress or a change in intensity.
Anxiety traits that may surprise you
Feeling like that one thing no one else does makes you weird or is just a quirk of life can be a little isolating, but it may also be a sign of anxiety. These surprising trait lists can get quite long and varied, so we encourage you to take a careful look at anything in life that doesn’t fit with who you know your loved one or yourself to be.
Brain stuff
Avoidance of joy
Stress intolerance
Short temper
Disassociation
Impulsive behavior
Sound sensitivity
Overwhelming guilt
Stuttering
Body stuff
Excessive yawning
GI issues
Cold hands and/or feet
Heartburn
Tingling skin/limbs
Tinnitus
Rash or hives
Hiccups
Check this list as a starting point, but a licensed mental health therapist is the best place to go to put together the pieces you collect along the way. From there, you’ll be able to make a plan to help your loved one support their journey with anxiety (or to manage your own!).
Is there a connection between attachment style and anxiety?
While there’s no definitive answer to whether your attachment style impacts your anxious tendencies, there is an important connection. Getting support with anxious thoughts and finding the right coping techniques may be linked to someone’s attachment style.
People who are anxiously attached are likely to respond to different coping styles and tools than those who are securely or avoidantly attached.
Keep in mind the way that someone prefers to receive comfort, support, or even (respectful) challenges in their day-to-day life. If you know or are comfortable asking about their attachment style, it can help them to take the first steps in finding the best ways to manage anxiety.
Offer, but don’t assume they need (or want) help
Someone who has anxiety may do better with a sounding board or another person to help them ground into the moment. But there’s no concrete way to know for sure unless you ask them so please ask before you make any moves to actively help someone.
Unsolicited help or support, though well-intentioned, can feel invasive or threatening to someone working to mediate their own anxiety.
Give stigma the cold shoulder
The single most important thing you can do when you are supporting or loving someone who has anxiety is going to be the easiest and most difficult task you’ll encounter today.
Are you ready?
Okay, the secret is: in order to recognize and support someone you love with anxiety, you must radically reject stigma. Believe in your loved one with your whole heart (check out unconditonal positive regard for more on this), and do not give any space to the stigma of toxic positivity, overcoming, or pushing through whatever they’re experiencing.
If you are looking for support with anxiety, and resources for being a friend to someone with anxiety, Luna Joy is here for you from 13 states.
