How to Be There for Your Grown Child
Adult children do not stop needing their parents, but they do stop needing to be parented (at least, in the same way!). So how are we all meant to embrace the fact that we’re still their parent and they’re still our (grown) child, while supporting everyone’s new role in this next stage?
Today in our blog, let’s unpack the biggest changes for your relationship with yourself, your adult children, and the other important relationships in your family.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Respect and support is the new law and order
When your children are small, they require you to make the world a safe and curious place to grow. You are responsible for keeping them safe enough to thrive while also offering them opportunities to take risks and have adventure. You are the law, order, and home base.
But when you’re supporting your adult children, continuing to be those things will not bring anyone peace and structure.
That might be a little hard to read. If you’re feeling the sting, take a second here. Take a breath—we recommend this guided mindfulness video—then come back and let’s talk about why it’s so beautiful to have this dread and curiosity co-existing in life.
In order to make these major transitions in the foundation of your relationship, you might need to have some difficult conversations. Don’t worry, though! You’re not on your own. Some of the key things you may want to talk about (or at least think about) are below.
Set boundaries for this new stage
We won’t say much on this express tour of family etiquette and expectations but boundaries are going to be a nonnegotiable part at this stage, just as they were when your children were toddlers.
Except now, “No, don’t touch the socket” or “You must hold hands when crossing the street” has become more like boundaries on power, emotions, and respect. It might sound a bit formal, but negotiating or at least acknowledging these needs and preferences will help everyone to set clear and comfortable boundaries.
You can expect that they’ll need to shift or be discussed more than once (life is a series of transitions after all), but do the work up front to start the conversation and set the tone for supporting your adult children and yourself.
Have fun together
Shared hobbies is a great way to spend positive time supporting your adult children and nourishing this new bond you share. You can try making new recipes together, or attending a crafting class, the theatre or even karaoke! This is a great suggestion if you both have a shared goal or interest to get out into the world in new ways (with a safety net).
Even taking beach walks, mountain hikes or binging your favorite shows can be a great way to enjoy one another on new and even footing. You might even find new gems, affirmations or ideas to help you process this stage, like this quote from the Freeform show Good Trouble:
“Parenting is the daily process of letting go.”
With that in mind, let’s talk about the best ways to…
Embrace the new normal
One of the most important things you can do for yourself and your grown child is to let yourself feel every shade of normal that came before this one.
Reminiscing, processing and truly feeling all of your emotions is probably not what you expected embracing something new to look like. But if we’re being honest with ourselves, how truly can you welcome something new if you’re still carrying un-felt feelings from what came before it?
Honor your new normal by being honest and humble in how you move through the shades that came before this brilliant (but a little scary) possibility.
It’s okay if…
It hurts a little (or a lot)
While healing is a critical and often liberating part of life at every stage, no one talks enough about how painful it can be. This ache and nostalgia are not signs that you’re doing something wrong. If you’re feeling them, or if you’re not, that’s totally alright. There is no single right path for anyone who is navigating change—and this relationship kaleidoscope is no different.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or uncertain about your emotions, you can always reach out for help. LunaJoy offers virtual therapy for individuals and families in 13 states so even if you’re miles apart, you can come together to heal.
You disagree on things
Family comes with some complicated ways of navigating conflict, and it can heighten the tension between you. Though you’re still family at any age, you aren’t still wearing those roles of parent and child in the same way. Show one another the same respect you would a colleague, friend, or roommate when you’re navigating disagreements.
The key to this is remembering that you are unique individuals with different experiences and perspectives. None of that is black and white.
When you are working on finding space to thrive for this stage of family life, Luna Joy is here for your mental health and relationship needs from 13 states across the United States. You’re still family at any stage so let’s make this one its own kind of magic.
BONUS CONTENT: When your grown child moves back home
If your adult child has returned to the nest for one reason or another, you might be wondering how to navigate that. Send this article to them now, because this next part is just for them! We’ve written a handy list on how to handle a return to living at home with growth in mind.
Undo old patterns instead of falling back into them. You are not the same people you were before, so approach this like you would a new roommate.
Share the load in maintaining the home—they’re not responsible for providing you with meals and a clean house, so negotiate what you’ll do and what they will.
Address discomfort and tension head on as you would at work or with a friend.
Routine is radically important. Keep yours as intact as you can, while ensuring to be mindful of their routines as well as the time you’d like to spend together.
