October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
When you experience a pregnancy or infant loss, it’s life-changing and can be hard to endure. As you reflect on the grief of losing a life before it truly began, we want you to know this: you didn’t deserve this, you didn’t earn this fate. Your feelings are normal, whatever they are. And finally, you do not have to carry this heavy load of grief alone.
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a day set aside to commemorate any pregnancy loss or infant loss in your life. It is a day to come together, to recognize that pregnancy and infant loss is an all too common experience, one that connects many of us in grief and loving memory.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
The weight of pregnancy and infant loss is heavy
There are so many kinds of pregnancy loss. Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, medically necessary termination, stillbirth, and more. Additionally, the struggles faced in infertility can intersect so often with those of pregnancy loss. Then there is loss of an infant, through things like SIDS, medical issues, and more. All have their own challenges, physically and emotionally. You may even end up with birth trauma, which can make emotional healing even more complex.
No matter the type of pregnancy or infant loss you experience, you may grapple with shame and self-blame, or numbness and emptiness. You may feel rage, fear, sorrow, overwhelm, uncertainty. You may simply miss your baby, an aching loss of being without someone who should be in your life.
Grief from pregnancy and infant loss is a process, not an event
Grief from pregnancy and infant loss can feel especially hard to work through. It’s a uniquely painful loss, that ties into feelings of identity, your future, and what could or should have been. Even if your loss isn’t recent, the pain of pregnancy and infant loss can remain sharp. You may find yourself overwhelmed years later when remembering, and wondering why time hasn’t healed this particular wound.
There’s no timeline for recovery from grief. And there is no going around grief, no shortcuts. You must sit with your uncomfortable, difficult feelings. You must go through the process of acknowledging your experiences, and figuring out how they fit into your new understanding of yourself and your life.
Grief is a process that requires support. October 15th is a reminder of our connectedness in grief and love, a reminder that you can find support in so many places. We at LunaJoy encourage you to make use of as many pillars of support as you can.
Find your support system
Try to surround yourself with those who understand you and your loss. Consider looking for:
Help from medical professionals
You can speak with your doctor, pediatrician, midwife, doula, or nurses, to learn about what the experience will be like, including what you should expect physically and emotionally during and after your loss. Understanding what happened won’t make up for the loss, but understanding can bring closure.
Emotional support options
There are many groups for support during, and after a miscarriage or death of an infant. Your doctor or pediatrician can connect you with local groups, or you can find options online for any kind of loss experience.
Tap into your friends and family. Be honest with them about how you feel and what you’ve experienced, if you feel able. You may be surprised at the kindness people will offer after a loss as substantial as a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. They may share stories with you about their own experiences you never knew.
Therapy
Individual or group therapy can be a huge benefit when going through the process of grieving a pregnancy or infant loss. Grief therapy can help, including working with therapists who specialize in helping mothers who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss.
Commemorate your pregnancy or infant loss in ways that speak to you
Your loss experience is unique to you, and finding ways to honor your loss and memorialize your baby can help you through your process. Getting to say goodbye, or keeping the memory close, can mean so much. If you find planning anything like this to be overwhelming, ask for help from those around you.
You may find solace in things like:
Choosing a name for your baby
Photographs with your baby
You may want to announce the birth in some way, such as in a newspaper or with a mailed or social media birth announcement. Asking a friend to do this can make it easier if you feel it would hurt too much to do personally.
A burial or a remembrance ceremony
Mementos to help you remember
Share your story, online, in person, wherever it feels right for you
Commemorate together with the Global Wave of Light on October 15
You may also find support in the Global Wave of Light. On October 15th, you can light a candle at 7 pm in your time zone, keeping the candle lit for at least an hour. Across the world, people who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss will do the same. As the day goes on, a wave of lit candles will spread across the planet, connecting all of us who have experienced this loss.
You can find others sharing their candles on social media using the hashtag #waveoflight. This can be a touching and emotional experience, seeing how many people, worldwide, are commemorating their babies and connecting with each other. It is a reminder that, through all of this, you are not alone.
LunaJoy can support you in your loss
At LunaJoy, we appreciate the opportunity to remember on October 15th, to honor all of us who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. If you feel that extra support in the form of therapy would help you, don’t hesitate to contact us to learn what we can do for you. We stand with you, on October 15th and every day, as you navigate the world of grief and loss.
