Nurturing Hearts in Grief: Offering Support to a Grieving Friend

Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience, a journey that extends far beyond the conventional stages often associated with it. When a friend is grieving, it can be challenging to comprehend the full scope of emotions and changes they are going through, most notably because they may not even grasp it themselves. 

This ever-moving target of grief can make you feel helpless, but there is something to be said for learning and growing with every experience. Even in grief, there will be things that you can do to help your friend feel less alone. 

In this blog post, we will explore the multifaceted nature of grief and loss, shedding light on the various ways it can manifest and offering practical guidance on providing ongoing support.

Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help

Understanding the multifaceted reality of grief

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all process. While the Kübler-Ross model suggests stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, these stages are more of a snapshot and originally created to delineate one’s acceptance of their own death. Even still, they can be arranged and rearranged, doubled up and re-visited. They’re helpful but they don't capture the full spectrum of emotions and experiences that grieving individuals may undergo. 

Grief is more like a rollercoaster, with ups and downs that vary greatly from person to person. Whether it’s stomach-clenching drops or adrenaline rush loops, the one foundational truth of this particular rollercoaster is that once you get on, you’ll never get off again. Grief may change over time, gentling its intensity as someone settles into the life that arrives after loss. But grief is a life-long experience. Things will never return to their before, and the changes that can happen with grief may be surprising.

Grief and loss might cause

1. Physical Changes: Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and fatigue are common physical symptoms of grief. 

Encourage your grieving friend to prioritize self-care, whether that means getting enough rest, eating nourishing meals, or seeking medical help.

2. Emotional Upheaval: Emotions in grief are often intense and unpredictable. Your friend may swing from sadness and anger to moments of numbness or even laughter. 

It's crucial to create a safe space for them to express these feelings without judgment, even when you cannot understand them. Sometimes, simply being there to listen is the most valuable support you can offer.

3. Cognitive Challenges: Grief and loss can affect cognitive functioning, leading to difficulties with concentration and memory. Things like brain fog, reduced attention span, and time blindness are common, particularly in early grief.

Ask your friend if they’d like reminders for things they commit to, and offer to help them complete regularly occurring tasks where you can. Your friend might struggle with day-to-day tasks or appear forgetful. Be patient and offer assistance when necessary.

4. Impact on Daily Life: Grief can disrupt almost every aspect of a person's life, changing the very fabric of what a day is made of in ruthless and painful ways. It may be hard to ask for support with mental health, but you can offer to help in practical ways. 

Encourage your friend to take things one step at a time not rush their healing process. Then, be patient when they do need that time. Offer practical help with tasks like grocery shopping, cleaning, or childcare, if appropriate.

Supporting: Being there for your grieving friend beyond the initial shock 

While these initial support measures are critical to surviving early grief, it's equally important to maintain a supportive presence throughout the months and years that follow. A lack of ongoing support is attributed to incomplete processing and further impact on the bereaved, yet there isn’t a lot of information about how to actually help someone after the shock wears off. 

Here are some practical strategies for providing ongoing support:

1. Regular Check-Ins: Grief doesn't have a set timeline. Check in on your friend regularly, even when it seems like things are improving. A simple text message or phone call can go a long way in showing you remember their loss or even just that you care. 

2. Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Don't be afraid to bring up the topic of their loss. For many people, talking about their person during grief is helpful or even therapeutic. Ask them if they want to share stories and memories about their loved one. 

3. Encourage Self-Care: Grieving individuals often neglect self-care. Encourage your friend to engage in activities they enjoy or find relaxing. Offer to join them for a walk, a movie night, or a hobby they used to love.

Reminders for you 

One common issue many grieving individuals face is the diminishing support they receive after the initial months of grief. Friends and family may gradually move on with their lives, leaving the grieving person feeling isolated. Here are strategies to offer long-term support:

1. Remember Special Dates: The anniversary of their loved one's passing, birthdays, and holidays can be particularly challenging. Reach out during these times to let them know you're thinking of them.

2. Be Patient with Healing: Grief has no timetable. Understand that your friend may still have difficult days years after their loss. Be a patient and compassionate presence in their life.

3. Attend Support Groups: Encourage your friend to consider joining a grief support group. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences and connect with others who are going through similar struggles.

4. Offer Professional Help: If you notice your friend is struggling to cope, suggest seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide specialized guidance and support.

Supporting a grieving friend goes beyond offering condolences during the initial shock. For further online resources, we recommend Refuge In Grief. No matter what you’re reading, supporting someone you love involves understanding the multifaceted nature of grief and being there for them in the long term. 

Grief and loss is a journey that lasts a lifetime, and you just might find that their roller coaster becomes a bit more bearable with you by their side. You be there to support your friend, and don’t forget that we’re here to support you if you need a helping hand. It’s not about having all the answers; it's about being a compassionate and understanding friend throughout their healing process.