If you’re feeling relationship anxiety or looking to support someone who has anxiety in relationships, the good news is: you’re not alone! Relationship anxiety is a normal part of moving through the world and connections with other people.

Whether anxiety is a familiar experience in your life or you’re looking for ways to support someone else who is experiencing it, anxiety in relationships can be a whole new world. Let’s talk about some of the ways you might see anxiety in the ways you connect with loved ones, especially your partners, and how you can recognize it.

Before you dive in, remember that our professionals are always here to help

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Anxiety impacts relationships in unique ways

Relationships and anxiety are both multifaceted experiences and neither is limited to just one aspect of your life. When you or someone you love experiences anxiety, it will impact the shape of the connections you share. There are many ways anxiety can show up in relationships, specifically in romantic relationships. Whether you’re casually dating or exploring something more long-term, anxiety in relationships can arrive at any time as an uninvited (and unwelcome) guest.

Here are some of the reasons you or a loved one may have relationship anxiety:

You feel intimidated by a partner. This doesn’t have to be physical intimidation or risk. A number of things may feel threatening or scary, like the way they communicate during arguments, how they share their emotions, or even just their body language.
There is no clarity on what you can expect. Whether things are changing faster than you planned or you’ve just not had the chance to communicate about boundaries and expectations, uncertainty can be anxiety-inducing.
Anxiety bleeds over from other aspects of life. The anxiety you experience in life extends to your relationships as well. Even if it’s not directly related, anxiety has a way of stealing all your energy and confidence which can cause conflicts in a partnership.

When you have anxiety about relationships

There is more to anxiety than just the ways that it might show up in the people in a relationship. If you’ve had past experiences in relationships that left you feeling less than secure, you might have anxiety about the concept of commitment in general. This isn’t limited to romantic relationships, either!
It’s possible to feel anxiety about your work relationships, friendships, or even familial bonds when something’s gone differently than you expected before. Though anxiety is often associated with a sense of negativity, when you’re considering the way it plays into your relationships, it can also act as a checkpoint.

Just because the anxiety about a situation or connection exists doesn’t mean it’s a warning against being involved in that experience. You can use anxiety about relationships as a way to check-in with yourself. Try asking questions and having an internal conversation to create some reflection about that relationship.

Anxiety alone is not a red flag

Recognizing anxiety in a situation or person can make you feel, well, anxious- but anxiety alone is not a cause for concern. Being aware of anxiety and its impact on your emotional experience can help you gauge how to respond to it in relationships. This is much the same when you are supporting someone else who experiences anxiety within or about relationships.

Anxiety itself is a warning system, no matter how inconsistent or unexpected its warnings may be. It is not a red flag or a reason to dismiss or reject an experience. When you feel anxiety, return to reflection. Try grounding breathing and an affirmation (we like reminders like “I am not my anxiety”) to root yourself back into the moment and take a look at the anxiety in the situation as its own entity instead of a fact of your experience.

Anxiety can be something that contributes to how you experience a relationship but anxiety shouldn’t be the sole reason you avoid or exit a relationship.

Supporting someone else with anxiety

Being in a relationship with someone who has anxiety may have you feeling like a fish out of water if you’ve not experienced it yourself. When your partner or loved one has anxiety, you might be tempted to comfort them or try to make them feel better. This may be helpful for some people but it can also be invalidating or make them feel as if you are not interested in hearing the things that they worry about.

Some ways that you can help someone who has anxiety feel safe and grounded in your support are by asking questions about what they’re experiencing, acknowledging and reaffirming their safety at this moment, and resist fostering avoidant behavior for your own comfort. For many people with anxiety, there is a lot of power in knowing that they can say those scary and difficult things out loud and they will be believed. Anxiety can be insidious in its invalidation so prioritize reassuring them with facts and truth. No matter how tempting it is, don’t try to solve their problems or comfort them with promises that you can’t keep.

Getting support when you need it

When you're managing anxiety, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. Anxiety is a whirlwind of complicated feelings that can move so quickly that it becomes difficult to differentiate between the anxious thoughts and your emotional experience. You do not have to navigate your relationship anxiety, or support someone with theirs, alone.

Getting support for your anxiety is possible. Counseling and online support groups are available to you and we at Luna Joy are here for you. Reach out today if you’re ready, or keep following along for more tips to help you thoughtfully support yourself.

Is Anxiety Showing Up In Your Relationships?