Boundary Setting With Family Around the Holidays
The holidays are a time of gathering, sharing time with loved ones, celebrating and family. But sometimes, family can be overwhelming.
You may already be feeling anxious about family days ahead and know what you need to do, but just the idea of setting personal boundaries can be too much already. We get it. But in order to take care of yourself and make the most of the holidays, setting boundaries, managing expectations/reactions and advocating for your wants and needs are necessary. Today we’ll talk about how you can achieve that.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
3 in 5 Americans report their mental health is negatively affected by the holidays. Here’s some quick math for you, that’s more than half of the population who are dreading, anxious, on edge, or otherwise “in their feelings” about the holiday season.
If you stumbled upon this article after Googling “how to survive the holidays with my family,” you are not alone. We’d like to say that first, you are not a bad person for feeling overwhelmed by your family, and second, it’s normal to set boundaries with loved ones.
In fact, boundaries are very healthy and powerful for strengthening your confidence and relationships with others.
If you need some advice on figuring out how to set boundaries and how to empower your own positive experiences, check out how empowering therapy for women can help validate you and enable you to take control of your needs, wants and boundaries.
What are Boundaries in Relationships?
Feeling empowered and strong enough to set boundaries is no easy feat. It definitely requires a precarious balance between being vulnerable and being confrontational. But with the right preparation, approach and attitude, you can set boundaries respectfully while also respecting yourself.
Bourndaries are also not just for your relationship with others. You can set boundaries for yourself, with your partner or for how you spend your time. By establishing and managing your expectations of the holiday season, you will feel more in control and therefore less stressed.
It may be important to you to establish boundaries regarding:
your holiday guest list
travel plans
gift budget
topics of conversation
Adherence to routines
obligations and time commitments
Though the holidays are a time of giving, boundaries help you manage exactly how much of yourself you can give to others and not feel emotionally or mentally drained. This may sound like a lot of information, but to put it simply: boundaries are what is ok and what is not ok for your mental, emotional and physical health.
How to Set Boundaries
If this sounds like something you need some help with, these tips can help make your holiday calm and bright.
Prioritize. Between work parties, social outings with friends, seeing your family, seeing your partner’s family, (the list goes on…) the holidays can seem like a never ending to-do list. Simply: if you don’t want to go, don’t say yes. If you are not excited to see the people invited or are not looking forward to it, it is OK to pass on the party! Everyone is aware of how busy and social the holiday season is, so it really is ok to decide which obligations mean the most to you and which ones you can politely RSVP “no thanks, I’ll take care of my mental health” to.
Communicate. Advocating for your needs and wants is a huge part of taking care of your mental health. If that one drunk uncle brings up politics or religion, respectfully communicate your boundaries. You do not have to engage if you do not want to and if it compromises your holiday experience.
Be proactive. Unfortunately, just because you set boundaries does not mean everyone will listen and respect them, even some friends and family. Making sure you are comfortable with some coping skills that work for you if you need to take a beat from the tension is very important. It is also important to have some easy conflict resolution approaches that you can utilize to tackle some festive family feuds if they arise and compromise your boundaries.
Reach out. These are big feelings to tackle and sometimes confrontation is intimidating, especially when you are confronting family. Collaborating with a therapist can help validate your feelings, enhance confidence, practice positive affirmations to maintain a healthy mindset and talk through difficult feelings, anxiety and anticipation surrounding holidays with family.
Happy Holidays Your Way
Many people report stress and a decline in mental health around the holiday season. There is a lot of pressure on having a picture-perfect holiday with a picture-perfect family. But life is not a cute Christmas movie and that is normal and that is ok. Take a breath and remember: you are in control of your feelings, you are not alone, and setting boundaries with family is a normal and healthy thing to do.
The most important thing you can do to have a merry everything and a happy New Year is to take care of your mental health and encourage the people you love to do the same. For more support on managing holiday stress and family relationships, see how our counselors can help you reach your goals this holiday season.
