What is Masked Grief? How to Heal Invisible Wounds
When we think of grief, we often envision visible expressions of sorrow—tears, solemn faces, or the heaviness in one's heart. But there exists a grief that hides behind smiles, laughter, and seemingly ordinary days. It's a subtle ache, a thread of hidden grief woven into the fabric of trauma.
Today, we embark on a journey to uncover this hidden emotional terrain and explore the profound role of trauma therapy in unveiling and addressing these invisible wounds.
The hidden emotional pain of masked grief
Masked grief is the quiet companion of trauma, often overlooked and misunderstood. It's the grief that lurks beneath the surface, disguised by coping mechanisms and survival instincts. If left unaddressed, it can become complicated grief.
When someone experiences trauma, whether from a single harrowing event or prolonged distress, the mind sometimes shields itself from overwhelming emotions, veiling the grief beneath a facade of normalcy. For women who have been through miscarriage or pregnancy loss, this type of grief is a common one.
Here are some of the things that someone who is living with masked grief may experience:
Persistent feelings of emptiness or numbness, even in seemingly normal situations
Difficulty identifying or expressing emotions, feeling detached from one's feelings
Engaging in avoidance behaviors to distract from or suppress emotions
Sudden mood swings or unexplained changes in behavior
Disguising grief by appearing overly cheerful or unaffected
Physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or unexplained aches
Difficulty forming or maintaining relationships due to emotional barriers
Increased irritability or anger that seems disproportionate to situations
Experiencing intense emotions unexpectedly, triggered by seemingly unrelated events
Disrupted sleep patterns, insomnia, or recurring nightmares.
Unraveling trauma's tangled imprint on grieving
Sorrow and loss, when left unaddressed, can fester and cast long shadows over life. The overwhelming emotional and psychological impact of trauma can disrupt the healthy grieving process, leading to the suppression of grief emotions. This suppression is where masked grief grows from the individual's fear of reliving the traumatic experience or being overwhelmed by intense emotions.
Trauma can significantly impair emotional regulation, making it challenging for individuals to manage and express their grief effectively. The heightened arousal and emotional reactivity associated with trauma can intensify grief emotions, making them overwhelming and difficult to tolerate. As a result, individuals may resort to suppression as a coping mechanism, inadvertently concealing their grief.
What is the difference between grief and sadness?
Grief and sadness are often confused, but they represent distinct emotional experiences. While sadness is a natural emotional response to difficult or painful situations, grief is a more profound and multifaceted process, usually triggered by a significant loss. Understanding the difference between the two can be key to recognizing when you're dealing with something deeper than just sadness.
Sadness is a temporary feeling, one that comes and goes depending on circumstances. It can arise from day-to-day frustrations, disappointments, or challenges and tends to dissipate with time or as circumstances change. While sadness can be intense, it is typically more manageable and less pervasive than grief.
Grief, on the other hand, is a response to loss—whether that loss is of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a way of life. It is more than just an emotional reaction; it’s a holistic experience that impacts your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Grief can last much longer than sadness and often involves feelings of yearning, regret, or disbelief. It may also come in waves, resurfacing unexpectedly even long after the loss has occurred.
While sadness is often a part of the grieving process, grief itself is broader and involves a complex array of emotions like anger, guilt, confusion, and sometimes relief. Masked grief, in particular, can disguise itself behind these different emotions, making it harder to address and process.
How to validate and acknowledge masked grief - and why it matters
The complex interplay between trauma and grief can lead to a vicious cycle of suppression and denial. Unprocessed grief, masked behind a façade of resilience, can exacerbate the symptoms of trauma, further complicating the grieving process until it feels inescapable.
Grief, trauma and the impact of them together create an entangled web of emotions that can manifest in various ways, including emotional detachment, avoidance behaviors, and physical health problems. It’s important to acknowledge masked grief, and the trauma beneath it, so you can begin to heal or support someone else who is navigating their own concealed pain.
Creating a safe and supportive environment for individuals to express their grief is key to offering validating support. This can involve:
Offering a listening ear without judgment: Simply being there to listen without offering unsolicited advice or criticism can create a sense of safety and acceptance
Using validating language: Acknowledging the individual's experiences and emotions with phrases like, "I understand this is hard for you," or "It's okay to feel this way". For mothers who have lost a pregnancy, this may include language that validates their loss and honors their child.
Normalizing the grieving process: Reassuring the individual that their emotions are normal and that everyone experiences grief differently
Trauma therapy as a guiding light toward healing
The important thing to know is that if you’re trying to manage masked grief, overcome trauma or support someone else who is hurting, you are not alone in the process. Specialized techniques like trauma therapy are the next step to achieving a safer, more comfortable route through grief and pain.
By understanding and addressing the root causes of masked grief, trauma therapy facilitates the unmasking and processing of suppressed grief, leading to emotional liberation and recovery.
Grief and trauma therapists possess a unique understanding of the intricate relationship between trauma and grief. These expert therapists (of which we have a few at Luna Joy!) recognize that masked grief is not merely a coping mechanism but a manifestation of unprocessed trauma, and they approach each individual with empathy, compassion, and cultural sensitivity.
Each therapist will connect with different experiences and types of loss. They’ll develop a tailored approach to gently guide your experience through the healing process, empowering you to confront their suppressed grief with courage and resilience.
By addressing the underlying trauma, trauma therapy illuminates the path towards healing, allowing individuals to reclaim their emotional well-being and embrace a life free from the shackles of masked grief.
Navigating the healing process with empathy and self-compassion
Whether you choose to seek support from a mental health professional to navigate masked grief or you’re offering support to someone else, there is one thing every person needs to hear in grief:
Be gentle with yourself.
Compassion, particularly for yourself, and empathy are the foundation on which you can build something that grows from healing and safety instead of fear.
Empower yourself by seeking help for your invisible wounds with Luna Joy
If you find that your well of self-compassion is shallower than you hoped, or maybe the depth of grief is just running with a stronger current than you imagined, Luna Joy specializes in supporting women just like you.
Are you ready to take off the mask and embrace a life well lived with love beyond the pain?
Get in touch today. : 📧 care@hellolunajoy.com