Shame and Silence in Miscarriage: How Therapy Can Help
Many women suffer miscarriages at some point in their lives. Yet there is still so much silence around this issue. Despite the fact that so many women share in this experience, it is difficult to talk about.
It’s only natural that some women would want to maintain their family’s privacy if they go through a miscarriage. However, there is also a lot of shame surrounding the topic of miscarriages. Women might feel like they have failed if they miscarry, or people might look for what they’ve done “wrong” even though nothing can be done to prevent a miscarriage. For women struggling to process their feelings after a miscarriage, therapy can be a valuable tool. Here’s why therapy can help you deal with your feelings, without shame.
Before you dive in, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Trouble Telling Friends and Family
Many women choose not to tell their loved ones that they are pregnant until after their first trimester. This is because the risk of miscarriage drops off dramatically when the second trimester begins. Keeping their pregnancy private during the first trimester is a decision that many women make in order to avoid prying questions. Yet this means that for some women, they have very few people to turn to after a miscarriage. A woman who chose not to tell her social circle about her pregnancy may want to turn to a therapist rather than tell people after she has miscarried.
A Safe Place to Speak
You may not feel like it’s emotionally safe to talk about your miscarriage right now. Sometimes, you simply might not feel like having such an intense discussion with people in your life. Even if they mean well, they may not know what to say. Alternatively, you might not want to deal with the opinions of those around you, especially people who might imply that you should have done something differently. In therapy, you don’t have to worry about these types of reactions, and you can speak your mind freely.
Releasing Shame
If you’ve suffered a miscarriage, you might be carrying the burden of shame. Even if you know that you didn’t do anything wrong, miscarriage is a topic that society often paints as shameful. But in therapy, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your therapist will never shame you for suffering from a miscarriage. They will never imply that you should feel guilty for it.
Understand It’s Not Your Fault
One of the worst aspects of suffering through a miscarriage is wondering whether you’re to blame. The truth is that miscarriages happen for seemingly no reason. There is nothing a woman can do to avoid having a miscarriage. Unfortunately, this is a natural, if devastating, part of life. However, if you open up about your miscarriage, other people may inadvertently send the message that you’re responsible for what happened. In therapy, you will never have to hear this response. Your therapist can help you decide how to navigate conversations where someone suggests this.
No Need to Hold Back
You might worry that your friends and family simply don’t know how to help you with your complicated feelings right now. Maybe they don’t have any experience supporting someone through a miscarriage, or maybe they have never been very reliable during times of crisis. You may find yourself holding back around them because you feel like they can’t handle the full extent of your emotions. But in therapy, you can rest assured that your counselor is focused on fully supporting you, and you don’t have to censor yourself.
Are you struggling with your mental health after your miscarriage? Therapy can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.
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