This is (also) the Reality of Parenting Teens
Many parents think that parenting teenagers is difficult and frustrating and that is a valid and often true experience. However, being a parent of a teen is not all sneaking around, lying, crossing boundaries, and experimenting with limits and vices.
No one really talks about the good parts of parenting teenagers and seeing your kids grow into independent and opinionated young adults in the fruition of your parenting and efforts.
Having positive interactions between parents and their teens can lead to lifelong protective factors, improved communication styles, and good interpersonal relationships skills.
So when you find yourself doubting if you are parenting your teen “right,” hopefully this article can help assure you that you are doing a good job. Parenting your teen is not always an easy job, but it can be very rewarding and pivotal in your relationship with your teen. For more personalized advice, reach out to our team to learn how to reframe the “negative” aspects of raising a teen and acknowledging the good, positive parts of parenting your teenager.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
The Edge of Adulthood
Many teenagers are on a mission to prove their intellect, maturity, and decision making skills and are desperate to show how independent and adult they are. It really is a fine line between parenting and protecting your teen to ensure their safety and letting them explore their independence and learn from their mistakes.
Make an effort to understand (or remember) what it’s like to be a teen
Living on this edge of adulthood can be challenging for a variety of reasons. Some common challenges include:
Social pressures: Teenagers often feel pressure to fit in with their peers and be accepted by their social group. This can lead to stress and anxiety.
Identity development: Teenagers are in the process of discovering who they are and what they want in life. This can be a confusing and stressful time as they navigate the many changes and decisions they will face.
Academic pressures: Teenagers are often under a lot of pressure to perform well in school and get good grades. This can lead to stress and anxiety.
Physical changes: Teenagers are going through many physical changes during puberty, which can be difficult to adjust to emotionally and physically.
Parent-child relationship: Teenagers are starting to become more independent, and their relationship with their parents may become more challenging as they navigate this transition.
Emotional changes: Teenagers are experiencing a wide range of emotions, and may find it difficult to manage their moods.
Decision-making: Teenagers are beginning to make important decisions about their future, which can be stressful and overwhelming.
Common Issues in Parenting a Teen
While hormones rage and life changes fast, being a teenager is not easy. This leads to a lot of acting on impulse, pushing boundaries, testing authority figures and on-the-fly problem solving.
And though some of these situations may be difficult for both parents and teens alike, these are also opportunities to guide and teach your teen important life lessons and focus on the good parts of being a teen and a parent of a teen.
After all, the teenage years are a wonderful combination of seeing your parenting efforts mixed into your teen’s personality and character come to life.
Trust your formative parenting practices
While it may not seem like your teen wants much to do with you in recent years, for ages about 1-11 you had a captive audience. You shared your wisdom, provided correction when needed, and set up the guard rails that now direct your teen. Trust the parenting practices that you’ve put in place, and don’t always jump to conclusions.
For example, say you found out your teen went to a party and you found out later that there were drugs and alcohol present. Instinctually, you may be angry, sick with worry, and have racing thoughts and questions. But this may be an opportunity to have an important, honest conversation with your teen.
You may be surprised to hear your child was responsible and made a positive, safe choice on their own. Or this may be an opportunity to build trust and effective communication so your teen feels safe and comfortable having difficult conversations if a similar situation comes up in the future.
Twist your perspective on teenage angst
Another example of stereotypical “teenage angst” is challenging authority—whether that is you as a parent, someone at school, or any individual in a position of power. Though this behavior may be perceived as disrespectful, and rude and you may be thinking “I raised them better than that,” there are some positives to be found.
Forming and verbalizing opinions, and boundaries, standing up for oneself, and having the confidence to speak their mind is a good things! This “issue” may set your teen up with positive communication skills, self-advocacy skills, and empathy in adulthood.
It is important to acknowledge the positives of these skills, while also parenting and correcting your child’s behavior for how they handled the situation.
Allow your teen to make (repeat) mistakes
Problem-solving, coping skills, communication skills, and informed decision-making are not skills teens are usually experts at. It takes time and it takes making mistakes and learning from them. Protecting your kids from negative experiences and emotions leaves them ill-prepared to deal with them later in life. This is why learning from your mistakes and guiding your teen without controlling them is crucial.
Am I Parenting my Teenager Right?
Odds are, if you are asking yourself this question, you are a good parent. It is normal to second guess yourself, but the fact that you care enough to question if you are supporting your teen the best you can shows the effort is there. Although stereotypical moody, angsty teens are difficult to parent, there is also a positive side to seeing your teen become independent, self-sufficient, and trying to figure out the world.
In fact, good parenting is all about ensuring your child has the confidence and support to make choices and learn from mistakes. Independence, problem-solving, and managing responsibilities are skills that are crucial in adulthood, so supporting your teen while letting them explore these concepts may seem difficult but it truly is in their best interest.
If you are a first-time parent, or just have questions on how to best support your teen or how to nurture the parent-teen relationship, see how we can help.
