Maintaining & Finding Friendships as a Woman: How to Build Your Support System
There are a number of reasons that making friends as an adult feels like setting Tetris on expert mode and playing with your eyes closed. But even those reasons can’t erase the longing for connection and support we crave. Adulthood can be lonely, and even if you’re great at Tetris, it’s no fun to play alone.
Before you dive in, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Why is so difficult to make friends as an adult?
All the ways in which life gets in the way of conquering loneliness seem to be as endless as your laundry pile. So why is it so hard to make friends in adulthood? Here are just a few of the reasons you might be struggling to connect!
We lack the confidence we had in childhood.
Fewer hobbies or daily activities that have us returning to the same place (except work).
Your pool of peers expands and it gets confusing.
Balancing priorities becomes more complicated.
You’re just too tired to keep making the intentional effort friendship requires.
Even with a seemingly unlimited amount of bits and barriers that make friendship feel like too much to juggle, it’s actually a shortage that makes this process so difficult.
Friendship isn’t Tetris though
As adults, we tend to be short of two of the most crucial ingredients to lasting friendships: time and trust. Adulthood doesn’t come with a surplus of time to sit with yourself (much less others) and reflect on the kinds of connections you can create. Between all the daily obligations and connections you’re already trying to nourish, it feels like a losing battle to try to build new relationships with a supply of free time that’s often sliding into the red on your daily capacity meter.
How to make friends as an adult
Knowing is half the battle but it won’t settle the score. So how do you win at adulthood and cultivate friendship that lasts? And, the real trick question: how do you do it all without burning yourself out?
Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered!
Find community spaces for your hobbies
Even if the way you like to spend your time is more of a solo endeavor, try to find community spaces you can return to when you’re doing it. This doesn’t have to be an organized group, though it can be and there are probably bonus points for that. If you love to read, choose a place you can relax and unwind with a book. If you enjoy tabletop gaming or sewing, try checking your local hobby shops for clubs or activity days where others with shared interests may be. If you don’t have a hobby, explore what that may look like for you. You may find these opportunities more accessible online, so don’t forget to explore that avenue as well!
This particular tip also offers you the space to explore friendship with yourself too, as you prioritize creating space for the things that matter to you.
Frequent the same spaces when you can
Once you’ve found the spaces that feel good for you, return to them. Whether that’s a continuation of the hobby thing, or simply where you go to get your mid-day coffee, creating consistency in your life can help. Virtual spaces absolutely count!
That certainty and rhythm to your day will help you to carve out the free time and space you do have to share with your new friendships and increase the likelihood that you’ll encounter people who share that rhythm.
Be brave
Following on from the last two, once you’re in those spaces and rhythms (whether physical or virtual), you’ll need a strong shot of bravery to make connections. Take a risk in talking to someone new and inviting connection. Alongside that connection, you risk rejection and the uncertainty of that can feel scary. But, a “no thank you” is the worst that can happen. So bolster the confidence of your 5-year-old self, and talk to someone new!
Consider using apps or the internet
If being in physical spaces isn’t working for you for any reason, that’s okay! All of these things are still accessible and possible in your life! Try using support groups, digital passion spaces, and community boards to connect with the things that matter most to you. Friendship is often found in these shared interests.
Don’t be afraid to adventure into new territory
While we mean this literally, we also mean it metaphorically. Reach back into the depths of your experiences and try to access those sweet, vulnerable feelings of best friendship and knowing someone deeply. Reflect on the way those feelings made you feel and challenge yourself to access them once more in adulthood.
Loneliness and adulthood do not have to go hand in hand. Even here, when life is difficult, busy and overwhelming, you are deserving of the connection and support that feels authentic to you. If you are looking for confidence to chase it or support to maintain it, Luna Joy wants to help you flourish in friendship.
