Finding Your Village: The Unspoken Loneliness of Motherhood and How to Find Community
“Mooooom. MOM. MAMA! MAAAMAAAA!”
Sound familiar?
Sometimes, this is the only conversation a stay at home mom can get in a day. When you’re a stay at home mom, you’re all too often in a house or apartment all alone, except for the kids, and may find yourself craving a single adult conversation, even with a stranger, let alone the kind of nourishing conversations you can have with friends.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Stay At Home Moms Are Often Lonely
If you’re the primary caretaker during the day for your children, you know all too well that the stay at home mom life can be lonely. Trying to manage nap and feeding schedules, housework, and whatever work you have to do to keep older children on-the-go, is exhausting. You expend more mental capacity on finding pacifiers and negotiating very basic tasks with boundary-pushing toddlers than you ever thought possible. Your cup is being drained, and it can be hard to find ways to fill it.
Along with the isolation, you may find it a shock to see how some people in your life drop out of contact, especially if they don’t have kids themselves. And those who do have kids are as busy as you, and often as isolated. The struggle for connection can be harsh, leaving you feeling like you’re not even yourself anymore. Mothers without community often experience higher stress, more exhaustion, and are more pessimistic about parenting. You may feel invisible, like you don’t matter anymore except as a caregiver. This is untrue! Please believe us, this loneliness is not uncommon, and is something you can change!
What is a Lonely Stay At Home Mom to Do?
It can take some out-of-the-box thinking to build and sustain the connection you need as a mother, to mom friends, to other adults, to those in your community. You are not alone in wanting connection while mothering, and you’ll find there are pathways to connection already forged by moms before you. Consider that by seeking community, you’re doing right by you. You’re refilling your own cup, which can too often run very low from pouring into your family.
How to Find Mom Friends
Find local parenting groups
There are often multiple local parenting groups in any medium-size city. Finding them can sometimes be tricky, but asking at local libraries, community centers, or looking for local parenting groups on MeetUp or Facebook, can all be valuable resources.
Attend events for families and small children
Local libraries often have storytimes, local nature centers and parks often have play days for families, and cities will often have family events. These events—particularly smaller community ones—can be excellent sources of connection.
Connect through apps
There are several apps available that connect people in real life, but instead of dating, the goal is friendship. Bumble BFF and Peanut app are two such options, but there are several. It may seem strange at first to try to connect virtually, but in an increasingly device-focused world, this can be a nice way to balance in person connection with how people now meet.
Don’t be Shy! Ask for Contact Info!
It can be nice to chitchat at the park, or the library, or the zoo, with the few moms that bring their kids at the same time you do. This is a tiny slice of community, but please, don’t be afraid to ask for an email or phone number for future meetups, if you’ve clicked well with someone. It can feel very vulnerable to reach out like this, from a place of loneliness, but consider, the moms you encounter are probably just as hungry for connection as you are. Don’t be shy! Put yourself out there, you may be surprised at the rewards.
Mom Support Groups
There are plenty of mom or parent support groups in the world; some meet in person, and some meet virtually. The easiest way to find them is a simple internet search, something like, “mom support groups near me”. It’s well understood that parenting can be lonely and full of challenges, and extra support can make all the difference. These groups can be a useful way to vent frustrations, learn from other parents, and to feel less alone generally.
Sometimes the open-endedness of the question “how to find mom friends?” can be intimidating, and a structured support group can give you more support, even just as a starting place. It can let you dip your toes into building community for yourself, and the skills and shared experiences there can launch you into greater adventures in finding your folks.
LunaJoy Knows Motherhood is Lonely, We Want to Help
We at LunaJoy know all too well the loneliness that can come with motherhood. There are so many options for how to build community for yourself, from online connections to in-person meetups. You just need to muster up the courage to make friends like kids do, by saying to another mom you click with, “Let’s be friends!” It really can be that simple. You can even seek out structured support in the form of mom support groups, as a way to start the process of building your community. LunaJoy offers support to moms who know motherhood is lonely; connect with us today and see if we have support that will fit your needs.
