Divorce: How to Know When It's Time to Walk Away
Divorce is still considered a taboo topic in modern day, especially for women. Deciding when to get a divorce is often second to the fear of what becoming divorced will do to your identity. Even still, society tends to view divorce as being synonymous with a “failed marriage.” Therefore, many couples will stay in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage to avoid this notion of failing. However, when your marriage is no longer happy, is debilitating to your mental health, and is not fulfilling all your needs, making the decision to walk away is not a failure but really a victory in advocating for your needs and happiness This is a very difficult decision to make, so today, we will provide some tips to guide your decision making to help you feel confident and protect your mental health along the way. Knowing when to get a divorce and walk away can save you and your family a lot of heartache.
Before you dive in, remember that our professionals are always here to help
When to Get a Divorce
Relationships and marriage are difficult. It is not easy to share your life with someone and that is normal and to be expected. Although not all relationships end in destruction, the dissolution of something as meaningful as a marriage certainly takes a toll. Still, it is important for us to recognize when our relationship crosses the fine line of “typical marital issues” to “toxic relationship.”
When relationship therapy doesn’t seem to help
Although there are counseling services for individuals and couples, not all issues can be fixed in therapy, especially when more than one person is involved. This is a major identifier of it possibly being time to walk away from a marriage: when even professional interventions do not seem to make your problems less intense or less frequent and your situation with your spouse is not improving.
When your relationship challenges mirror a larger story
Studies have shown that women suffer disproportionately in divorce and that women are more likely to initiate a divorce than their male counterpart. Literature has provided us with a slew of possible reasons for this including:
Satisfaction with partner
Power struggles with partner
Sensitivity to relationship issues
Women marrying because of societal/familial pressures
Marriage as a gendered institution
Marriage and marriage culture has changed greatly in modern day and gravitated away from some traditional values. Identifying when a relationship is no longer good, functional and serving its purpose can help a woman make the decision to seek divorce and a better life. The modern-day woman does not rely on a husband as much as they have historically, which makes a difficult decision more manageable to make. Marriage used to be viewed as a necessity for merging families, forming societal bonds, financial security and raising children. But evolving gender roles and norms have developed enough that women and men can do all this without the formality of vows. People are now marrying (and divorcing!) for love, happiness and personal fulfillment.
When it’s right for you
If you are reading this article and seeking an answer or guide on your relationship, you likely already have a sense that things aren’t working and looking for some validation of your decision. Even though we’re offering general guidance here, you (and your partner) are the only ones who can ultimately decide what's right in your situation. To know if divorce is the best decision for you, have you reflected fully on the enormity of the decision you’re making and your role in the relationship?
Here are some basic tips to outline questions you should ask yourself and potentially your partner.
Am I blaming my spouse for my unhappiness?
Am I dissatisfied with my spouse?
Do I miss how things used to be with my current partner?
Do I miss being single?
Does my husband support me emotionally and financially?
Has my husband abused me or shown signs of infidelity?
Have we tried to reconcile our problems in the past with no resolution or progress?
Reflecting on these questions can help you make a decision about when to get a divorce. There is no right or universal answer of when is the right time to walk away. However, if you find yourself wondering about any of the above points often or the option of divorce crosses your mind repeatedly, it may be an indicator that divorce is the best, safest and healthiest option for you and your family.
Taking Care of Yourself & Your Mental Health
Trying to make a dead-end marriage work is exhausting and mentally draining. It is important to guard your heart and your mind during a difficult time like this. Though divorce may be a woman’s choice and the best choice for her does not mean there won’t be periods of grieving and sadness. That is a completely normal and validated feelings to have. In this time of change and growth, it is important to focus on yourself and your needs. Your happily ever does not need to rely on a husband. Focusing on yourself and your needs is not selfish, it’s self care. During this time, make an effort to connect with family and friends for support. Do things that bring you joy and make you happy. Put your wants and needs first, whether that be your career, children or any other passion you may have. And always remember, you don’t have to do it alone. You can seek solace with LunaJoy; our grief and loss counselors can provide support and guidance as you make this tough decision.
