Caring For Yourself After Miscarriage
A miscarriage is a hard life experience. It can bring up so many feelings, during your loss, and after. If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, first off, know you are not alone. Also know that this is not your fault. And please know that however you feel, whatever emotions and reactions you have, from rage, to deep sorrow, to fear, to jealousy, to numbness, all are understandable. You feel the way you feel, and the best thing to do right now is work through those feelings while caring for yourself physically and emotionally.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here.
Before you begin, remember that our professionals are always here to help
Miscarriage Can Be Traumatic
The process of miscarriage can be scary and difficult, and while some pregnancy losses are medically straightforward, some are very complicated. You may have needed surgery, or medication, to safely go through a miscarriage. Your miscarriage may have taken a long time, or contained moments of precious hope within the loss, which can make the process even harder. The process isn’t only physical either, and the emotional impact of a miscarriage can last long after your body heals.
Anxiety After Miscarriage
On top of working through the shock and trauma of a miscarriage, you may find yourself dealing with anxiety after your miscarriage, particularly related to your fertility journey. You may worry about your future fertility, or be anxious around your menstrual cycle, looking for signs of other miscarriages. You may find yourself anxious about what you could have done differently (please know that you didn’t earn any of this, there was nothing different to do). You may also feel a great deal of anxiety during future pregnancy, where “what if?” becomes a pervasive, stressful worry. This anxiety can rob joy from your life, making even a pregnancy with a rainbow baby emotionally difficult.
How To Heal?
In the midst of grappling with miscarriage—a deep personal loss seved with a side of trauma—you may find yourself wondering how to heal. Where do you go from here? What are you to do?
Care For Yourself After Miscarriage
When you lose a pregnancy, you likely enter a cycle of grief. There is no set amount of time for grief, and grief usually stays with us long-term. Anxiety after miscarriage is often part of this grieving cycle. Please be gentle with yourself as you work through your feelings; there isn’t a wrong way to grieve, and there aren’t wrong feelings to encounter. Your emotional wellbeing has taken a hit with this loss, but there are ways to nurture yourself, helping you to heal.
Sit With Your Feelings
Notice any unkind thoughts you might have toward your body, or yourself. Feeling like your body has failed or betrayed you isn’t abnormal after a miscarriage, but it’s worth being gentle with yourself too. Don’t judge yourself for how you’re feeling, or the thoughts you have. Let them pass through, and notice. You don’t need to fix anything right now, you need to notice where you are, and what impacts your miscarriage trauma has had on you.
Call On Your Community
There are a few ways you can tap into the community around you, your friends, family, medical professionals, to help you care for yourself right now.
Talk with your midwife or doctor about your miscarriage experience, and what to expect as your body recalibrates to no longer being pregnant. Talk with them about possible future pregnancy, and what support you may need then.
Ask your friends and family to help as you grieve;
Have you collected baby items already, but can’t bear to look at or think about them yet? Ask a friend to keep them at their house for a while for you.
Do you need to get out into the world? Ask to spend time with people, and embrace activity. Or, if you prefer solitude as you process your miscarriage trauma, ask someone to be with you in a quiet time at home instead.
Ask someone around you to spread the word about your loss, if you feel that people should know, but also know that telling others about your loss over and over would be too traumatic.
Consider Sharing Your Story
It can be tempting to bottle up feelings, and keep your experience to yourself. Sharing your story can help show you just how connected you are, in your grief, to so many others who have experienced a miscarriage too. People will open up to you, if you open up to them, and that connection in a hard time can make a big difference.
You can share just by talking to close friends, or people you trust. You can write about your experience, in a personal journal or even in a blog to share your story more widely if you feel it will help. You can find support groups, online or in person, to connect with people you’d otherwise never meet.
Talk With a Therapist After A Miscarriage
On top of gathering a community of support around you, sharing your story with a therapist, who will help guide you through your own particular journey of loss and grief. Grief counseling from a therapist that knows how to support those who have experienced miscarriage can offer you a helping hand in a tough time. LunaJoy offers therapy to those who have experienced miscarriage trauma; we want to walk with you as you navigate the pain of loss and the journey of recuperation. Get in touch to see if we are a good fit for your need.
